the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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