i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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