Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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