Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
