this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i think i just lost a toe
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
