Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
