it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
