She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
