told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
