so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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