I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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