i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
