Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
