I have demons in me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize