$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
