I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
