you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Sext me about skeletons
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
