I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
