ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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