I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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