3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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