It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
