dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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