I got chris browned last night
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
