And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
