She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
do herpes really smell.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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