Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
