she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
this is an emotional support booty call
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
