this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
