Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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