I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
