Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
