Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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