he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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