so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
