my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The Olympian is in my bed
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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