did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
how drunk are you?
Several
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
