For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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