i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
