just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
