So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
