Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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