Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm at about main and main street
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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