david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
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