oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
