I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
