I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
