i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
