I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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