In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
