In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
