Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
