I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
