Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
