you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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