Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's blow job season.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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